‘Father, not my will but yours be done.’ In that position of security I have experienced once again his perfect love, a love that casts out all fear.
“The asthma persisted, so that I slept badly each night; my legs, ankles and feet blew up like balloons; and my abdomen grew at an astonishing rate until I looked like a pregnant woman. . . My arms and shoulders withered into mere skin and bones. . . I looked more dead than alive.
However God has been far from inactive in my life. At about one a.m. . . . I had a bad asthma attack. In my helplessness I cried out to God to speak to me. I’m not very good at listening to God, but between one and three a.m. God spoke to me so powerfully and painfully that I have never felt so broken before him. . .
He showed me that all my preaching, writing and other ministry was absolutely nothing compared to my love relationship with him. . .
God also showed me that my ‘love’ for him meant nothing unless I was truly able to love from my heart my brother or sister in Christ.
As the Lord put various names into my mind I began to write letters to about twelve people asking for forgiveness for hurting them. . . It was the most painful pruning and purging I can remember in my entire Christian life. . .
Whatever else is happening to me physically, God is working deeply in my life. His challenge to me can be summed up in three words: ‘Seek my face.’ I am not now clinging to physical life (although I still believe that God can heal and wants to heal); but I am clinging to the Lord. I am ready to go and be with Christ for ever. That would be literally heaven. But I am equally ready to stay, if that is what God wants.
‘Father, not my will but yours be done.’ In that position of security I have experienced once again his perfect love, a love that casts out all fear.”
The last words written by David Watson a leader whom in the face of his greatest fear he recognized that nothing mattered more than uttering the words Father not my will but yours no matter the outcome of the prayer.
I’m learning that prayer is fully expressed in solitude, it is more than a public display of good words; it is more aligned with a cry to God, with a heart that is consumed by his love. Prayer is simply having a conversation with your father, understanding that he is not a magician waiting on your various requests to prove himself to you but a father who waits on his children to simply say “Father not my will but yours” and truly mean it.