Relationship Goals

I just finished watching an eight part series on relationships by Pastor Mike Todd, and it has literally exposed me to the max, some truths are just too hard to accept. The most profound take way I can convey to you is the idea of being under the control of your flesh or your spirit. There are different reasons why we enter into different relationships, why we compromise on certain values but at the root of each decision is the key distinction between being led by your flesh or being spirit led.

When we talk about freedom, we assume that each decision that we make is within our full control but in reality each choice conveys a deeper  truth about who we serve. We are under the control of either our sinful nature which is personified through our flesh or the spirit of God which is personified through the Holy Spirit. There is nothing like freedom in your human nature, it is impossible to envision a life of freedom in our nature when it goes against the very convictions that are placed on our hearts.

In Romans 7:15-18, we see the dimensions of our nature and how utterly defeating it is to try to do the right thing while under the mastery of your flesh. Paul in his heartfelt anguish over his sinful nature says that:

 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 

Sin Control 

Making decisions based on what feels good is the key defining factor of our nature, it clings to what feels good in the short term. In Psalms 51:5 we are told that just like David we are born into iniquity, thus sinful from birth and from the time our mother conceived us. So surely any decision we’ve made from our birth is rooted in our sinful nature and until you are exposed to the gospel it feels normal to always make choices based on what feels good. The reason it feels so good is because we live in a fallen world the very things we are adamant on clinging to in retrospective are the same things that continuously work to diminish our life cycle. By life I mean the ability to rest in freedom governed by boundaries, the ability to live your best life based on the premises of what your creator deems to be a good life.

Sin Empowered Life of Flesh Control 

Sin empowered life of flesh control is one of the acronyms used by Pastor Todd in Differentiating between the two views of self control. One highlights the workings of the flesh as your master while the other magnifies the workings of the holy spirit. Sin empowered life of flesh control in the context of relationships, simply means that your choice of whom to entertain, what conversations you have or what boundaries you set within that relationships are truly governed by your flesh. You actions are only a reflection of what feels good in the moment without any regards to the long term effects of your actions.

 Sexual intimacy and Premartial sex 

How far can we go without crossing the line ?

Sex is good, it was created by God for the highest form of worship between two people under the covenant of marriage. The reason we are misinformed about sex is because we assume we know it all, we let our culture inform us on the trajectory of a relationship. Most relationships go through a similar trajectory {you meet someone, you develop feelings you get to know them, and the next step is usually physically intimacy and vulnerability in the form of sex or any other action aligned with sexual pleasure. The next step usually signifies some form of commitment between the two. We view physical vulnerability as the pinnacle of the relationship, however I’m learning that, this is a skewed view of sex or a relationship.

Sex is not just physical but it is very spiritual, it symbolizes oneness and  unity and you cannot achieve oneness physically without being unified in spirit, emotions or even with your value systems.

I think the most important question to ask yourself is ‘wether your relationship is built from the impulses of your flesh or the guidance of the holy Spirit.

It makes a huge difference in the long run if you deliberately evaluate what trajectory your relationship has taken and what assumptions you’ve held on to give way to a very limited understanding of sex.

Romans 8:13 ” For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live”

Spirit Empowered Life of Self Control

Roman 8:13 teaches us that although we live in a body of sin which will ultimately lead to death, we have the holy spirit living within us as a result we have the capacity to choose a different master. Through Jesus Christ we have victory over the body of sin that we live in, we have a hope that exposes us to a different way of thinking and living. Romans 8:10 gives us the premises of our hope

“And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you , He who raised Christ from the dead also gives life to your mortal bodies through his spirit who dwells in you”

I don’t know what is more hopeful than the assurance that we can have a life of freedom under guidance of the holy spirit that dwells in us. You have power and victory over sin, even the sins that we are so ashamed to speak of. We are new creatures in Christ. The battle over purity is not one you have to fight alone, at each waking day you have the choice to be under the control of your flesh which will ultimately lead to death or the control of the spirit which will lead to life. I pray that you allow the Holy Spirit dwelling in you to dictate the steps that you take within your relationships, no matter how hard it is we are already Victorious through his blood, I hope you walk in that Victory.

The 8 part series by Mike Todd, I urge you to watch at least one video if you cannot commit, it will definitely challenge your perceptions of sex, and relationships.











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