I wrote a letter to a friend years ago, I wrote about how we had the idea of love all wrong. It was never about attachments, neediness or having a hold on someone per say. There was an element of freedom in “love”that we had completely disregarded. I don’t think I understood clearly what I was saying,I might have been 17 at the time. It wasn’t until I let God’s love radiate within me did I realize that God’s love was rooted in freedom, this freedom was actualized through your own free will.
I have moments where I doubt God’s love for me, just like any other human I often limit God’s capacity to love me based on what other humans have showed me when they have talked about love. There is a constant tug war between our limited understanding and his promises which reminds us that we are still worth love in spite of ourselves. He loves us just as we are but he also loves us enough not to leave us the way we are. That phrase alone conveys the character of God his goodness, grace and mercy. Even in moments where our nature clings to what is against God’s character, he promises us that he will work through us if we only LET HIM.
The challenge lies in admitting that yes we are selfish, hypocritical, judgemental, liars and delusional at times but yet despite all our character defects his love still holds and we still have access to his love. At times we may get lost in the opinions of others that we fail to simply reach out and ask him to come into our lives again and and again no matter how many times we fall short of his grace.
I find myself running and drawing closer to his love regardless of where I might be in life, because he promises us not to forsake us no matter what we may start believing about ourselves. I have failed tremendously in living this truth out, countless times I have found myself at odds with myself. In spite of myself I haven’t given up, and that is the element of freedom we often overlook the freedom to be yourself to accept your self the different versions of YOU, and still have the deepest knowing that you are still loved.
There is a freedom in God’s love which allows you to be yourself, to take every part of you to him. To allow his love to work within you not running away every time you realize just how human you are, submitting to him with the utmost humility despite how unqualified you might feel. There is a freedom in God’s love which doesn’t cast away but encourages you to bring even the darkest parts of yourself that you wouldn’t dare show to those who know you best.
There will be times when we judge ourselves harshly, when we choose to close ourselves off from his love because of our shame or pride. Nevertheless if we stay in that state of shame nothing good will ever come out of it. If you could gather enough courage to take whatever that keeps you in bondage , he will work through you and set you free.
There is no greater freedom than to be fully known, the good, bad and ugly and yet still be worthy of love from the greatest lover . What greater gift than this knowledge.
I hope you keep walking in his love despite your ever changing circumstances, clinging to his promises and never letting your limited understanding reduce his love to human sentiments.